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Why does your "e-commerce" storefront suck why is barely anything is actually for sale?
I turned on e-commerce with the express purpose of only selling DONGLES GONE WILD: Sexy Dongle Calendar 2025 plus some other inventory thats easy to keep in stock. Namely inventory I don't have to make by hand. I am very anxious to have items with such limited shelf life, I hope you will consider buying one. This holiday 2024, give the gift of horniness. Most of my other goods are only available IRL when I vend and table at select markets throughout the year. This website serves as a "showroom" and I'm sorry its barely shoppable, but its for you're own good. I'm actually protecting you.

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Why is shipping so expensive?
Shipping is calculated at market price in the shopify backend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so sorry everything in the world is so expensive. I don't make any money on shipping fees. If you can find me IRL when I vend a market, you can avoid shipping costs that way!

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Do you do commissions?
No.

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Can I return or exchange my order? 
At this time, all purchases are final sale. As a one-person "business" I am not a large enough entity to accomodate returns or exchanges. However if you received an item that was defective or damaged, please reach out via the contact form and someone will be in touch

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How long will my order take to ship?
All orders generally ship within 3-4 business days of order placement. Once a shipping label is created for your order, you'll receive an email confirming your shipment along with a tracking number. Please consider getting Route Insurance if you are anxious about your package getting lost in the mail.

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My package got lost in the mail
If you have Route Insurance on your order, you should be eligible to file a claim with them at claims.route.com 

Domestic Orders - You will need to wait until you are seven days past the last scan to submit a claim. 

Please note, you must submit a claim within 60 days of your package’s last scan.

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My item was marked as delivered but I can't find it.
If you have Route Insurance

You can get a refund or replacement for your order. You can go here to begin filing a claim. We recommend you apply to do this as soon as possible.

If you opted out of Route Insurance 

First, check the address on the order and confirm that you entered the correct address. Once your item ships, it is in the hands of USPS. It may have been delivered to a neighbor, stolen, or still sitting in the back of a delivery truck. Please get in touch with your post office or speak to your mail person. 

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Do you ship internationally?
No. Taxes and duties are too confusing for my one braincell, sorry.

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I put the wrong shipping address!
If you made a mistake in your shipping address contact support immediately to have it changed. There's nothing we can do once an order has already been shipped out. If an item ships before your address is corrected you will need to wait for us to receive the item back for a refund. All shipping fees are paid directly to carriers and we do not get these fees back even if a delivery fails.

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My package was marked delivered but I don't see it?
There's nothing we can do once a package is marked delivered. It's very common for USPS to mark a package as delivered a day or two before it's actually delivered, so this may be the case.

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When are you restocking _____?
If an item is out of stock you can sign up for an email alert when it is restocked on the product page. Please lower your expectations, I am very forgetful and only genuinely enjoy making things but am truly bad at selling things.

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